Tag Archive: God

The Illusion of Control

I had an interesting conversation with a lymphoma survivor the other day that made me want to write on the subject we had in common. He mentioned how absent someone important to him was at the time and how loved ones reactions weren’t at all what he expected.


I never heard mention of this unpleasant facet of being diagnosed in the beginning. I wish I was told I’d have to either coddle everyone else as they found a way to deal with accepting the diagnosis I was given or accept their absence as a sign that they were unable to deal with the reality that was happening to me. I would’ve been more willing to draw from my inner self for comfort instead of just being hurt, confused and angry that the people I cared about weren’t there for me how I thought they were supposed to be when I thought I needed them to be.


My sister told me something once that I’m recognizing as true more and more each time someone comes into my life that offers assistance. She said, “You can’t worry about why someone you think is supposed to be there for you isn’t. Whenever you really need someone to be there, that person will show up and help you and it doesn’t matter if they’re related to you or if you’ve only known them for a few days.”

Learning to accept this truth and truly live by it has been an unexpectedly hard thing to do. The drive to feel as if I have control is extremely strong. We’ve all been conditioned for so long to take control of our future, our career, our lives and everything else in it when letting go of this illusion of control is one of the most significant things you can do to gain what you really needed all along.

Some call it placing their faith in a higher power and in many ways that’s exactly what it is, but it’s also just learning to accept things as they truly are. When you start seeing things the way they are and stop working so hard (and often to no effect) to make them change something magical happens. Another better suited option presents itself or you’ll realize that whatever you were trying so hard at wasn’t necessary in your life anyway. In those instances you free yourself from unnecessary shackles or weights you yourself are responsible for. I don’t know about you, but I love it when my load becomes lighter and easier to bare seeing how I have plenty on my plate as it is.


So ask yourself, what’s got a hold on you and why? We all have situations we want to change in our lives that we may not have the ability to do anything directly about. Fortunately, we have control over our own perspective about these things and if you ask me that’s the only change we need to free ourselves from unnecessary burdens.


Power by way of Love

Getting used to your own power is something that takes time, but once it’s accomplished anything (and I do mean anything) is possible. This power that is available in abundance to you, me and any other human being is just waiting below the surface to be tapped. I realized recently that I tapped it and the flood gates flew open. There’s no turning back to old powerless me after this. It’s a great feeling!


I realized that power was there and wasn’t going away in a small but incredibly useful way. I’m learning to be unaffected by manipulations those close to me have been using. I’m getting the hang of recognizing when they are trying to use them immediately which keeps them from holding weight with me. I’m getting so much better at literally shutting off the switch to react in my brain so I can calmly love them through their attempt since I can use that power to look at the situation objectively in the moment. It makes things easier and less dramatic all around.

A recent example; I was getting help from a friend to do a weekly chore. A person close to me makes an attempt to impede progress and get a rise out of me. I don’t know why, but this is a common behavior I’ve noticed with this person. In the past I would get frustrated with the person and argue my sound case logically with no use since they were just being vindictive and petty to begin with. I think it’s important to point out that this person will always be in my life and I love them so it’s not as simple to just walk away from the situation.


Instead of reacting like I always do, this time I recognized what was going on and reacted with love. To my surprise the power dynamic changed. Instead of me feeling powerless because progress was successfully impeded, I somehow got this person to help with what they were attempting to throw a wrench in. They may have reluctantly been helping, but they helped nonetheless and my power wasn’t taken from me in any way! I cannot stress how good it feels to react from that objective, loving point of view. It flexes a muscle I didn’t realize I had and keeps hurdles from slowing me down. Power by way of love? That wasn’t something I expected, but I certainly welcome it with open arms.